Phoenix

Letting go of the past.....I'm not very good at that, I tend to dwell and let the past eat me up inside. I spent the weekend with my friend Mel and her family and it was very low key but insightful. I've known Mel since I was 17 and she has always supported me and her family has welcomed me with open arms. I sit back and watch her and her husband with their son and I smile. It's his third birthday party and he's so excited for his Scooby Doo party. Her parents and her brother treat me like I'm party of the family and I'm forever grateful to them for that. I've been struggling with the anger I've been holding on to. I've been angry that I had to go through the hardest time in my life alone; that my parents passed judgement and abandoned me. And there's a big part of me that felt guilty for even being sad about my marriage ending and losing my job. I would look at my friends in the military and feel ashamed for crying about my situation when theirs is so much harder; to worry about survival and their brothers in arms dying and missing their families for an entire year. I had a very insightful and meaningful conversation with Mel's husband who is a Marine, no longer active. He told me that I have the right to feel what I feel and that I shouldn't let anyone else diminish that. That these men made the choice to sign up and go to war and they knew the possible risks. He turned to me and said, "when did you sign up for what you're going through? When did you know what you were getting yourself into?" He told me that I'm family and that they would always be there for me.

I believe that you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends and sometimes your friends are your true family. I can't forget what happened to me in my past but I don't have to hold onto the anger anymore. The past has shaped who I am and where I am today. So now I need to move forward and not look back so much........

Next stop, Los Angeles