Saturday, February 5, 2011

Layton, UT

Family History

I have chronic sinusitis which means I get 5-6 heinous sinus infections every year and I have to take heavy duty antibiotics to knock them out. I've seen a ridiculous amount of ENTs through the years and my current specialist is by far the best. His approach is very direct and dry which I appreciate. I went to him about three years ago, had more CT scans done and he told me flat out that he knows exactly where the problem is but he won't fix it. I was taken aback. He continued to say that the surgery to fix my sinus issue isn't very successful and it's more likely that he would blind me. I told him I prefer to keep my sight. So we have an arrangement; I see him once a year and he calls prescriptions in for the rest of the year for me.  

I got sick in Phoenix and by the time I got to LA it was full blown antibiotic time. My doctor did his part and called in a prescription. I did my part and took it for 10 days. The antibiotic slacked off and didn't work. I left Vegas and headed to the Salt Lake City area of Utah and felt like my face was going to explode and I couldn't breathe. I didn't make it to my Aunt and Uncle's house on Monday. I made it to Cedar City, UT and spent the night in a hotel. My plan was to get off the road and sleep early so that I was well rested in the morning. Sleep did not come; but congestion and dry air where with me the whole night. I made it to Layton, UT on Tuesday after 4pm. I felt awful and had called my doctor that morning looking for an antibiotic that would actually work. I hadn't seen some of my cousins in almost 20 years and I was looking forward to getting to know them and catching up with family. 

Growing up I very rarely saw my Dad's side of the family. As an adult it makes me sad to know that I missed out on so much. I'm very close to my Mom's side of the family but most of them are in IL and we see them all the time. I wish that I had been there for my cousins in Utah, California and Kansas the way I was for my cousins on my Mom's side of the family. I was sitting on my Aunt and Uncle's couch waiting for them to get off of work and I felt so guilty for imposing on them AND being nasty-sick at the same time. But they welcomed me and made me feel like I belonged. I spent a lot of time with my cousins, Tiffany and Aimee who were babies when I last saw them. I loved spending time with everyone and I learned so much about my family. It was bittersweet; part of me felt guilty for not knowing and not being there. I'm so glad I got to know everyone and hear stories about the family from back in the day. Aimee is so funny, witty and animated. Tiffany has a tender, loving heart and we have a lot in common. 

Here's what I learned in Utah. I've been holding onto anger about things from the past and there's no benefit to me in doing that, just more anger. Letting go of the anger doesn't mean that you forget, it means you can move on. My Aunt and Uncle are so strong and have endless love for their family that they will do anything to help someone out. My brother and I were talking about it today and he said they are herders; taking in the lost and guiding them in the right direction. I admire them and I'm very lucky that they are my family. I wish I hadn't missed so much though. Even though I didn't see them much when I was growing up, they were always loving and supportive when I did see them. I'm so grateful for the support they've given me during my divorce and during my Epic Journey. 

My last night in Utah, I sat up with Tiffany, Aimee and Aunt Debbie and we talked until 2 am. They told me stories about the family that I'd never heard before and I told them my favorite Uncle Tom story. When I was a little girl I used to think that my Uncle Tom was Tom Petty. They kinda look a like and Uncle Tom was on the road a lot, lived in California and my Dad listened to Tom Petty a lot so it made sense in my mind. Uncle Tom owns a moving business, does not sing with The Heartbreakers and now resides in Utah. So I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, I was a kid!Aunt Debbie and the girls told me about our relatives, some I'd met and others I hadn't. It made me sad that I'm 31 and I never knew these things about my family. Some of the stories were very sad and hard to hear but some were very funny and we laughed together. I needed to hear all of them and spend that time getting to know my family, not "my Dad's side of the family."

I'm glad I visited MY family and this time I won't let another 20 years go by before I see them again. 

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